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When you’re quarantined in Australia and all out of Tim Tams

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson famously contracted Covid in Australia in March 2020. They were the first ultra-famous individuals to share their positive diagnosis and some might say it was the reality check we all needed that no one was safe. Now, 2+ years later, here we are with another cultural icon who has contracted the virus in Australia: me. I’ve managed to dodge this damn thing up until now (brag), but I'm proud to join the ranks of movie stars, congressmen and women, insurrectionists, insurrectionists who are also congressmen and women…and of course, all of you. And if you haven’t contracted Covid yet, I wish you luck as I imagine some day soon you will be kidnapped Alex Mack style and brought to a plant for testing.

So in honor of contracting the Aussie strain, I bring you the only thing to consume during 7 days of solitary confinement in a Sydney hotel room (other than an ungodly amount of Tim Tams): a list of the best of the best Australian TV.

Yes, these series are available in the US. I promise you they are worth it even if you are not in my very specific situation because, let’s be honest, Australians are hot! Who wouldn’t want to watch?

Situationist Certified Recommendations:

Offspring - Netflix

The only thing that would make McDreamy and McSteamy any hotter is if they had Australian accents. Enter: Offspring. A lighter, sillier version of Grey’s Anatomy minus the blood and gore, plus more romps and romance.

Five Bedrooms - Peacock

In true millenial-who-can't-afford-a-home fashion, five single friends decide to pool their cash and buy a home together. What ensues is naturally a mix of romance, sex gone wrong, sex gone right and the consequences of co-habitation.

Summer Heights High - AppleTV

This is formative TV viewing. The series is a docu-style comedy created by and starring the legend, Chris Lilley. He portrays three iconic characters, my favorite of whom is “...a naughty girl with a bad habit, a bad habit for drugs…” Disclaimer: we acknowledge that some of his character work is problematic and he punched down with Jonah. But luckily, he also pokes fun at a vapid, popular girl which is really the highest one can punch.

Rake - Prime

rake [ reyk ]; noun. a dissolute or immoral person, especially a man who indulges in vices or lacks sexual restraint

By definition, this show tackles morals, vices and sex. It will also leave you wondering, are Barristers hot because they wear wigs? Or despite them?

Wentworth - Netflix

A woman must navigate the Australian prison system while on trial for murdering her husband.

Bachelor Australia - HBOMax

I haven’t watched this yet, but per reliable sources: “It’s less slutty [than the US] and the girls seem genuinely there for love and less catty.” Plus, I'm not entirely positive that one of the Bachelors this season isn't MGK.

Honorable mention:

Our Lips are Sealed - Prime

Okay okay, so maybe this isn't Australian made, but is it the most iconic film to be made IN Australia? Also, no. But MK & A never fail to make running from the law look chic, and how do you know I'm not also here under witness protection? It makes sense if you don't think about it!


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